Rating: Pants, but with the promise of no pants
Length: 750 words
Notes: Just a little something-something to say thank you to Punk for making March rock! I looked forward to your story every day, and each one was a treat. :)
Maybe It's Because You're Not Looking
It was all dispiritingly familiar. There was the chief's daughter, and Sheppard being Sheppard, and suddenly they were surrounded, yet again, by angry natives brandishing pointy things, demanding a wedding or else. Teyla was doing her best to negotiate, and Ronon fondled his gun in anticipation, and Sheppard looked gobsmacked as usual. Rodney had no idea how anyone--especially someone as good-looking as Sheppard--could manage to never see it coming. Even Rodney had noticed the chief's daughter practically fellating that squash-shaped fruit at dinner, batting her eyes hopefully in Sheppard's direction, and he prided himself on never paying attention to anything as irrelevant as human behavior.
"So, you see, it is simply that our customs are different from yours," Teyla explained calmly. "Colonel Sheppard meant no offense to you or your daughter."
"None whatsoever," Sheppard added, with that smarmy smile of his.
The chief remained stone-faced, apparently unimpressed.
"Is it time to shoot yet?" Ronon wanted to know.
"Oh for--" Rodney heaved an exasperated sigh and fisted his hands in Sheppard's jacket and planted a wet one on him. "What everybody is trying to say is that the Colonel is already taken. I don't know how it works among your people, but we stick to just the one spouse."
"The gods do frown upon more than one marriage, it is true," the chief admitted reluctantly.
"Well, then." Rodney clapped his hands together. "That settles that. So if you'll show us to those guest quarters you mentioned…"
Ten minutes later, Rodney and Sheppard were alone in their own hut, staring at the one, rather small bed and the bedside table bedecked with a variety of sexual aids.
"So, apparently they take connubial bliss pretty seriously on this planet," Rodney ventured.
Sheppard put his hands on his hips. "If you hadn't told them we were married!"
"Then you'd be the chief's new son-in-law! Or we'd all be riddled by spears!"
"I was handling it, Rodney," Sheppard said tightly.
Rodney rolled his eyes. "Well, forgive me for not being able to tell the difference between handling it and nearly getting us killed." He plopped down onto the bed and bounced, testing the mattress. "Not bad. Here." He handed Sheppard a pillow. "You don't have the bad back, and I did save your life. So enjoy the floor."
Sheppard glared and shoved him over and stretched out on the other side of the bed.
Rodney harrumphed, "The thanks I get."
"I was handling it!"
Rodney stared up at the ceiling, and there was something he'd always wanted to ask when they got into these situations, and the rather imposingly large dildo on the nightstand encouraged a certain amount of inappropriate intimacy. He turned to look at Sheppard. "Did you just suddenly get pretty? Is that the problem? I mean, were you this runty, average kid, and then one day, bam! You're hot? Is that why you never see it coming?"
Sheppard made a vaguely annoyed noise, followed by long beats of silence and no further response. Rodney let out a sigh and shifted around, trying to get comfortable, and was just thinking that he could fall asleep if he tried when Sheppard said quietly, "Summer before the tenth grade."
Rodney went still. "You mean I'm right?"
"We moved around all the time, a new school every year, and I always just blended into the woodwork. But the first day of tenth grade, I walked through the doors, and just like you said, bam! All the girls were staring at me."
Rodney propped himself up on his elbow to gloat. "I knew it! Knew that had to be--"
"Only problem was, I was waiting for the boys to pay attention."
"-- oh." Rodney could feel the word on his mouth, perfect circle, the shape of surprise. "You mean--"
Sheppard lifted an eyebrow, and suddenly all sorts of observational evidence came crowding back to Rodney, that he'd failed to consider properly in his haste to dismiss the importance of human behavior, Sheppard's hips that were oddly slinky for a military man, and his frilly taste in curtains, and a certain interested look that…
Sheppard was directing his way now.
Rodney's eyes went wide. "You mean--? Really?"
"We are married. At least for the night." Sheppard jerked his head toward the table of sexual aids and grinned. "And well supplied." He hesitated, and his grin started to fade. "Unless you don't--"
Rodney kissed him quickly. "Don't be ridiculous. I just-- didn't see it coming."